The Hogwarts School of Fuck Everybody [ OPEN PSL/MEME ]

[assonant]

The Harry Potter AU: Smutty Edition

Rules

• Post
• Include some info/prompts
• AU it Up
• Expect hideousness of all kinds
• Invite your wizarding friends!

Comments

Medicine Seller | Mononoke | can't actually promise d touching b/c weird

[ofudafingers]

Type: Teacher. History of Magic.
Wand: Cypress, unicorn core, twelve and a quarter inches, quite flexible (supposedly)
House: ???????
Year: ??????
Family: ??????????
Bonus: One dark and stormy night, some kind of awful commotion was heard from Professor Binns' office following a year of erratic behavior from the formally immovably boring teacher. The next day, Binns was gone and 'the new Professor' had taken his place.
Double Bonus: It's been four years. He still has yet to tell anyone his name.
Triple Bonus: No one's actually seen his wand. No one.

School Status: Popular with female students and very engaging and interesting at first glance, there was much excitement for his new curriculum, but his lectures are alternatively rambling, obtuse, fabulously complicated, filled with awful puns, in different languages, or, on occasion, elegant and chilling. Infamously provides only a blank sheet for tests.

Prompts since he's weird and difficult:

- Students discover his DARK SECRET: he's not a teacher at all (gasp) and was hired to and over the last four years has been pruning the ghost population of Hogwarts, finding and routing those that had tipped into the realm of dangerous haunts.
- Gross teacher/teacher fucking (he rides the d of uncertain/stuffy individuals in order to help them 'relax')
- A dark wizard has a non-Hogwarts run-in with a foe they can't match. Can be HP-era or earlier (to Marauder's era, WWII, or somewhere in the hazy annuls of history).
- Assigned detention with him by another professor. It will end well for no one.